I have so many rambling thoughts and negatives floating in my little brain right now, I’, not sure I could keep a cohesive thought long enough to write an entire article. So, bear with me as this is my scramble rant.

I hate taxes and am taxed for everything from gas, tags, cigarettes and groceries to driving on roads and even talking on the phone. Here’s the one tax that urks me the most; the Federal Universal Service Fee on my phone bill. I like how they candy coat it as a “Fee,” as though it’s not a tax. Mandated by the FCC for all major carriers to pay, it is not required for them to pass it on to us. Say, What?! Yeah, a business would never think of passing on the cost of doing business or providing a product to the consumer. Oh, yeah I forgot Politician’s don’t know how to run a business. All they can run is their mouths and usually from both sides. No wonder.

When did “Global Warming” switch to “Climate Change?” I missed the memo somewhere or I wasn’t in the right Bio-Dome when the announcement was made. Warming to change was a definite calculation and likely effective. In August when it’s hot, it’s climate change and February when your tongue gets stuck to the flag pole, it’s climate change. It’s a much broader lie and will cover any and every extreme “Nature” has to offer. Smart move Al Gore, you are a Mr. liar, liar Pants on climate change.

I want less of Obama and more of anything else. Heck, I’ll take the home shopping network. Anything but him! Every channel your turn there’s something about Obama, someone talking about Obama, someone making media love to Obama. Everywhere! When Liberals want to get intimate do they put in a tape of Obama? Now there’s streets named after Obama, television stations called Obama and on and on and on… Please, for the love of God, STOP!!! No more Obama.

I want my McDOnald’s French fries back along with a hamburger which more resembles the “Big Mac.” Why are we having to eat fries that taste like rhino butt? Don’t ask me how I know what that taste like, just trust me on it. I want the government and all these weasel promoting healthy eating to butt (I said butt again, get it?) out. It’s my body and my stomach. This is the real right to choose issue. You tofu lickers, took my burger an made it the size of a flat meatball and took the good fat and made it bad. Please, we are all going to die and I think there’s some history and science on my side when I make that prediction, so let me die happy. You eat what you want and I don’t complain. So, stop with the food magic. I’m hungry.

O.k., all done for now. I feel a little better and hope you didn’t get too upset. See ya!

With all the hoopla regarding Biped Bo’s new fuel efficiency standards, I for one think there is some positive to glean from it. In fact, if we step back, way back and look at it harder, we’ll see our concerns are unwarranted. Apart from the obvious, job losses, less vehicle for more money, circuses having to re-do their clown acts because the 25 clowns out of a small car won’t be as funny, there’s some certain benefits.

Like, the old days of flying from state to state and renting a car to get to business meetings will be long gone. Thanks to Biped Bo and his blind sheep, we’ll be able to check our cars in as a carry-on. No worries about the fuel or oil. The 8 oz. bottles will be sufficient to carry enough corn oil and pig fat to operate the car for the first 100 miles down hill and 17 uphill, with a push. There should be very little traffic on the main arteries so no jams to worry about.

Major roads will be reserved for Biped Bo and other Liberal Elitist to use. Our “skitter scatter’s” will fit finely on bike paths and make seeing the country side that much more enjoyable. Imagine sputtering along on your way to work on an early spring morning and seeing all the flowers and nature as you pass by the Mansions of Al Gore and his ilk. Slowing down to smell the roses will save lives as stress will a bygone malady.

There’ll be no smelling those icky exhaust fumes while being stuck in traffic or tunnels either. With most cars running on things like grease and bio diesel, the aroma’s of French fries, pop corn and the occasional fart as some cars will run on waste matter, will surround us. With a constant sensory overload, we’ll be less inclined to eat as well. We’ll be nauseated by the thought of food. This will benefit not just us, but our world brother’s as well.

We’ll be able to send more of our food for free to Africa and Asia as we fat, lazy inconsiderate American’s will drop the pounds and won’t be revered anymore by the UN as gluttons or selfish. Obesity will become a mental disease and fat people will be secured in state run facilities. As a result, women will spend more time at the public beaches because those fatty’s in thongs will be safely locked away from the more perfect populous. Babes on the beach, only men with hot bod’s, it’s a veritable Eden thanks to Biped Bo.

There are so many benefits; we would be remiss to not prance gleefully through prairies of wildflowers. We should worship Biped Bo for he has granted this opportunity to us. Smaller cars, means less fatty’s in thongs, drop and go auto’s and less stress. We need to see the big picture for as we transition from a capitalist, rule of law Republic into a European 3rd world, second rate socialist collective, we won’t care the size of car we drive. All we’ll care about is how stupid, weak minded, sellouts we were when we realize that we had an opportunity to fight back but didn’t. So, let’s all either take our Hugo’s or whatever and be good little citizens or stand up, scream and take back our damn country. How many Liberals can we shove in one of Biped Bo’s little socialist cars and will Harry, Nancy or Biped Bo drive? Let’s find out, I’ll buy the gas, here’s a nickel. That should get them to Canada and away from the UNITES STATES of AMERICA!

Stand back and take long hard look. Is this you? Because you might just be a Liberal;

If, the only way you have enough strength to pick up a 12 oz. dart and throw it, is if there’s a picture of Bush or Cheney on the dart board. Otherwise, you’ll just cross your legs, sip on your wine and watch all the 100 pound burly men throw darts without you.

If you find yourself in the hospital emergency room having a plastic water bottle removed from an unpleasant orifice after your read “1001 ways to re-use water bottles” and you thought you found 1002.

If you carry a picture of Al Gore in your wallet; need I say more?

If, you cry inconsolably, after purchasing a new “Smart” car and as you push it into your pine needle driveway you see your neighbor’s new car is from Europe and smaller.

If you cut down and clear all the trees to build a new “Green” Home. Then, you have the city pay for the removal of all the native vegetation and wild animals within 10 miles so your organic garden won’t be threatened.

If you don’t understand the hoopla surrounding the marriage debate and just wish everyone else would, except the fact that a marriage should be between a man, woman, woman, man, boy, animal and a galactic star.

If you think everyone who drives a truck or SUV and has a gun is a redneck and should be banned from breeding. But when your new “green” house plumbing freezes and burst, you call a plumber who drives a truck and carries a gun.

If you think people who eat meat are carnivorous beasts that don’t respect nature or man’s role on earth and will fight to the death that we evolved from cavemen. Which incidentally didn’t have organic gardens and ate a lot of meat.

If you think all successful wealthy people are “fortunate” and should share their ill gotten gains with the “less fortunate” and are willing to hold $1,000 plate dinners at your mansion to raise money to help the cause.

If, you read this and immediately get angry and defensive then, you might be a Liberal

This was fun. Stand by all there’s definitely more to come!