Third in line to assume the Commander in Chief and CEO of our country and Nancy Pelosi drops the bomb on the CIA. It took incredible courage for Nancy to say, not merely imply, but actually say the CIA and Bush Administration lied, and lied regularly to Congress and the American People. Her first real tap dance with inquisitive reporters turned out to be a training video for the NSA in identifying nervousness. If terrorist were like Pelosi, forget about water boarding and sick the teeth grinding media on them. All indicators say reporters hate to be lied to and once they smell blood, the teeth penetrate deep. My prediction, Pelosi moves swiftly from Speaker of the House to a post more suited to her liberal, air headed and corruptness; Housewife.

Biped Bo, not one to shy away from controversy, especially when it flies in the face of most American’s, will be giving the Commencement speech at Our Lady, Notre Dame on Sunday. My prediction, Graduates while firmly standing with the Catholic pro-life morays, will take a second to do a “what if” reflection for at least one exception a little over 40 years ago.

Chrysler will be shutting down a 1,000 independent franchise dealerships in an effort to save money as they venture closer toward bankruptcy. The intend is apparently to maximize the sales of those dealerships with the best sales and eliminating those with the least. My prediction, Biped Bo is going to own a lot of crappy cars as he will force Chrysler to build cars no red blooded American would be caught dead in. Say, HUGO!

As the Supreme court loses one of it’s own, Biped Bo is actively seeking a replacement. In his defense he is looking for only the most credentialed and highly qualified to take the high seat. My predictions, the new judge will be a African-Hispanic, transgender lesbian woman in a wheelchair from Chicago who campaigned and voted for Biped Bo.

The Taliban will continue to be challenged in Afghanistan as American Troops bravely battle in the Valley of Death. The controversy over America’s culpability in the death of innocent Afghan’s will be further stirred as offensive strategies put more pressure on the region. My prediction, an American soldier will give a chocolate bar to an Afghan child. The parents of the child will file suit in American courts contending the child was intimidated because the soldier had a weapon. Thereby, he felt his life was in danger unless he took the chocolate. The ACLU, will represent the child’s family pro-bono and win. Soldier’s will no longer be able to give children chocolate anymore unless they get written permission from their parents first.

Karl Rove’s answers to questions by special council regarding the firing of Federal Attorneys by the Bush Administration will be scrutinized this week. After years of silence by Rove on this issue, he is being forced to respond to allegations that he knew more than what was originally reported and that he knew the contentious firings were politically motivated. My prediction, Rove will find himself in hot water after he answers the following question, “If you knew, legally that the firings were legal but could be interpreted by someone else as illegal and you didn’t know, were the firings therefore legally illegal; yes or no?

Universal health care is now the top agenda item for congress and Biped Bo. As they move forward to make major reforms, new definitions for medical conditions will be demanded by Biped Bo’s administration. My Prediction, pregnancy will be deemed as Acute Termporanis or “maybe baby.” Terminal Illness will now be called, “No roomis terminis or No Affordis.

My final predictions for the week are Liberals will continue to blame Bush for everything from the economy to Nancy Pelosi’s ignorance. Politics‘, not America will remain their top priority. Biped Bo will consider raising the tax on tea and the Supreme Court will start wearing ethnic dresses and listening to rap music in an effort to demonstrate empathy. And we, well we’ll just continue to scratch our heads wondering whether Wanda Sykes is a comedian or an incredibly demonstrative specimen of evolution still having a ways to go. Only God knows that answer. See ya!

Most may not know that I am a stickler for facts. They do not lie. The earth is round, rain is wet, and rough toilet paper makes the tushie sore, are all facts. They are proven scientifically and have been beta tested to no end (no pun intended). So, I wonder why “Global Warming,” which has been touted as fact is now called “Climate Change.” Is it because warming was too specific and change is an evolving perception and more readily identifies arbitrary objectives?

In august, temperatures reach 90’s and the 100’s. In February they dip to the teens and sub’s. What used to be summer and winter are now “Climate Change, and we are responsible. To test this theory, I performed a test to see how much impact I could have on the earth. I went outside and did 10 push ups. As I did, I had my wife watch me to see if I was physically forcing my body upward from the ground or if as I think I was, pushing the earth down and away from body. The distance of the earth from my chest would have been the same either way, so the conclusion was neither. I could only do one push up and according to my wife it didn’t count because I was on my knees.

The nest experiment was harder, I tied myself to a tree (don’t worry Greenie’s, the rope was a non irritant and was coated so as to not hurt the tree) and ran in place. As I did, the earth appeared to turn faster. I am confident that somewhere in Europe a tight rope walker named Jacque fell to his demise. I apologize for not warning the United Nation’s in advance of this experiment. Next time, I promise to do so. Anyway, the short of the experiment was inconclusive once more.

In my final experiment I got my ladder and climbed on the roof of my house with a bungee cord tied to my waist. The other side was attached to a spike in the ground below. In my zeal, I now know that I didn’t truly consider everything in attempting this experiment, but chalked it up as taking one for team called science. I jumped off the house and as I suspected, the earth started up toward me at the same time. I was attempting to see if my body which turned out to be my head could bounce the earth off of me and thus changing the rotation. I can say with confidence now as I write this from my hospital bed, that I, and likely we, have no impact on the earth’s climate. We can’t move it, can turn it, can’t push it and certainly can’t make it hotter or colder.

Years of data tells us the earth cycles to extremes. Those very people who lisp, limp wristed “Climate Change,” are the same one’s who gave us evolution and the extinction of Dinosaurs. What did they fart themselves to death? Facts are facts and until someone can prove to me that the earth actually bounced off my head, I’m going to stick to a more common opinion. Something known as, theory. Now, if you’ll please excuse me, my bandages need changed.

How many Obama’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wait, that’s not right, let’s try that again. How many Obama’s does it take to screw up America. The answer is obvious and I already know the joke is sophomoric, but hey our President has Joe Biden, so I am perfectly entitled to stay stupid things. And since your reading this probably means one of two things, either you’re stupid also or you’re sick and tired of people in the media rubbing their tingling thighs as they make verbal love to their puppet master.

Perhaps I’m a little too cynical when it comes to the medias reporting on Obama and his minions. So, I’ll try to be more, what’s that old, rarely practiced word…, “Objective.” Yeah, that’s it. Let’s start with yesterday’s press conference for instance. He was asked 13 questions in approximately fifty five drooling media minutes and averaged a record breaking 4 minutes per answer. It should have been on pay per view.

The action packed, no holds barred spar between those snide nerds and the pencil necked dork standing at the podium was a definite edge of the seat spectacle. I wouldn’t have missed it even if it was on every single channel in North American, the Andes’ and yet unheard of countries to be created by our new world. But, I did. I watched a couple of questions, but the shear excitement was too stressful for my fragile conservative heart and mind. Obama tackled each cheap shot question like Ali.

He didn’t have to take on those silly softball questions about the upcoming release of 30 Gitmo Detainees, or the handing out like cotton candy all those insignificant top secret CIA documents about terrorist interrogations. He didn’t have to dilly dally with the recent NYC scare fest created by Air Force One or the economy which everyone already knows the government is becoming the biggest shareholder. Nope, he dealt with tough ones. Thanks media for keeping “Ol’ Rubber Side” on his toes. Where would we be without you?

The media baked the biggest crap cake America has ever seen and has spend the better part of the last 3 years telling us to eat more. They know it taste bad, but they’re not eating it, just feeding it to us. I for one am so darn full of the media’s crappy, irresponsible and unethical baking practices, I want them all in Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen. Take ‘em Ramsey and tell them to get the heck out. Let’s get some people in the kitchen who know what it means to cook.

Yes, there will be many, many, many more, “hey look at me, I’m the President. Aren’t I pretty” news conferences. The media will steadily shove crap cake down our throats and we’ll continue to scratch our heads wondering how we got to where we’re at today. But, just remember, as he stands on the ladder, trying to screw up America and the media holds him steady, America is the greatest civilization in the history of the world. There will be crumbs and we will pick them up and make a bigger, better and stronger cake. Only this time, sorry Mr. Media, it won’t taste like crap.