Stand back and take long hard look. Is this you? Because you might just be a Liberal;

If, the only way you have enough strength to pick up a 12 oz. dart and throw it, is if there’s a picture of Bush or Cheney on the dart board. Otherwise, you’ll just cross your legs, sip on your wine and watch all the 100 pound burly men throw darts without you.

If you find yourself in the hospital emergency room having a plastic water bottle removed from an unpleasant orifice after your read “1001 ways to re-use water bottles” and you thought you found 1002.

If you carry a picture of Al Gore in your wallet; need I say more?

If, you cry inconsolably, after purchasing a new “Smart” car and as you push it into your pine needle driveway you see your neighbor’s new car is from Europe and smaller.

If you cut down and clear all the trees to build a new “Green” Home. Then, you have the city pay for the removal of all the native vegetation and wild animals within 10 miles so your organic garden won’t be threatened.

If you don’t understand the hoopla surrounding the marriage debate and just wish everyone else would, except the fact that a marriage should be between a man, woman, woman, man, boy, animal and a galactic star.

If you think everyone who drives a truck or SUV and has a gun is a redneck and should be banned from breeding. But when your new “green” house plumbing freezes and burst, you call a plumber who drives a truck and carries a gun.

If you think people who eat meat are carnivorous beasts that don’t respect nature or man’s role on earth and will fight to the death that we evolved from cavemen. Which incidentally didn’t have organic gardens and ate a lot of meat.

If you think all successful wealthy people are “fortunate” and should share their ill gotten gains with the “less fortunate” and are willing to hold $1,000 plate dinners at your mansion to raise money to help the cause.

If, you read this and immediately get angry and defensive then, you might be a Liberal

This was fun. Stand by all there’s definitely more to come!

Most may not know that I am a stickler for facts. They do not lie. The earth is round, rain is wet, and rough toilet paper makes the tushie sore, are all facts. They are proven scientifically and have been beta tested to no end (no pun intended). So, I wonder why “Global Warming,” which has been touted as fact is now called “Climate Change.” Is it because warming was too specific and change is an evolving perception and more readily identifies arbitrary objectives?

In august, temperatures reach 90’s and the 100’s. In February they dip to the teens and sub’s. What used to be summer and winter are now “Climate Change, and we are responsible. To test this theory, I performed a test to see how much impact I could have on the earth. I went outside and did 10 push ups. As I did, I had my wife watch me to see if I was physically forcing my body upward from the ground or if as I think I was, pushing the earth down and away from body. The distance of the earth from my chest would have been the same either way, so the conclusion was neither. I could only do one push up and according to my wife it didn’t count because I was on my knees.

The nest experiment was harder, I tied myself to a tree (don’t worry Greenie’s, the rope was a non irritant and was coated so as to not hurt the tree) and ran in place. As I did, the earth appeared to turn faster. I am confident that somewhere in Europe a tight rope walker named Jacque fell to his demise. I apologize for not warning the United Nation’s in advance of this experiment. Next time, I promise to do so. Anyway, the short of the experiment was inconclusive once more.

In my final experiment I got my ladder and climbed on the roof of my house with a bungee cord tied to my waist. The other side was attached to a spike in the ground below. In my zeal, I now know that I didn’t truly consider everything in attempting this experiment, but chalked it up as taking one for team called science. I jumped off the house and as I suspected, the earth started up toward me at the same time. I was attempting to see if my body which turned out to be my head could bounce the earth off of me and thus changing the rotation. I can say with confidence now as I write this from my hospital bed, that I, and likely we, have no impact on the earth’s climate. We can’t move it, can turn it, can’t push it and certainly can’t make it hotter or colder.

Years of data tells us the earth cycles to extremes. Those very people who lisp, limp wristed “Climate Change,” are the same one’s who gave us evolution and the extinction of Dinosaurs. What did they fart themselves to death? Facts are facts and until someone can prove to me that the earth actually bounced off my head, I’m going to stick to a more common opinion. Something known as, theory. Now, if you’ll please excuse me, my bandages need changed.