I must come clean. There is no reason for me to hide from the truth anymore and it would be a true misrepresentation for me not to share the truth with my readers. Have I used “true” to much? If so, I apologize as I know it’s not a real word anymore. I am a homophobe, islamaphobe, racist bigot, domestic terrorist, sexist and anti-earth. In fact I am anything that those who don’t want to truly debate call me. It’s time for me to accept it and finally come to terms with the fact that soon, I will be attending one of Obama’s “Change” camps.

I will arrive at 10:00 p.m. just after palates. The instructor will file me along with all the other right wing ingrates and make us stand side by side. He’ll be intimidating with his hip hugger checkered bell bottoms and bright orange blouse. He swings his man-purse behind him, places his hands on his hips, elbows back and with a huff, begins our first lesson. “What arrrrrrre you wearing? Oh my gosh, my James has got to see you.” He prances hastily towards the door, “James, sweetheart…you have to come here, honey. This is the worst I have ever seen.”

Classes will consist of How to be a man’s man, What women really want and why men can’t give it to them, Allah and you and the most important of all, Al Gore’s how I made God and why he wants’ you to buy Carbon Credits. Rosie will be a special guest speaker for All Skanks Day and as part of the celebration there’ll be a pie throwing contest and Bush effigy burning. It will be an arduous and demanding camp. But once complete, the world will be much better off.

No more war or killings. Guns will not be needed and pretty flowers will replace rebel flags in the south. Camels, genetically engineered to eat only roses will replace SUV’s. No more nasty poopies, only crap that smell like roses. Cows will be pets, fish will be given human rights by the United Nations and other domestic animals will be provided affordable housing. Who could argue with such change and progress?

Congress will vote to have the ‘P’ removed from President so Obama can live in the White House forever and Nancy Pelosi will be known as the Queen of hearts. Decks of cards will no longer contain Aces or Kings. Unites States of America will be changed to Martin Luther King Land and the Rainbow Flag replaces the stars and stripes. Euphoria will sweep the world and all because of “Change.”

I am going to chuck my lunch right now. If the left had their way and it looks like they are, we are all going to be choking down our alfalfa and sprouts. The way I see it, is this land was willed to us by our forefathers and it is being disrespected and ruined by a bunch of naïve twits. If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and take back what rightfully belongs to us, it will be gone forever. So get off our rosy smelling camels, stop giving Al Gore your money and tell Obama, “This land is your land, this land is my land.” Now back to camp. See ya, guy men!